you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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