My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
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We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
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Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
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