The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
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he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
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You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
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