1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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