She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize