Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Randomize