You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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