She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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