I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
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The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
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Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toyâ€
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