Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
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