Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
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ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
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I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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