I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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