I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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