If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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