i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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