I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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