she looked like the before picture.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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