I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
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He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
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Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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