he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize