My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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