proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Drunk is not a location!
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
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