We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So much rum. So many feels.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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