Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize