I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize