either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
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This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
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He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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