he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
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