They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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