Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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