i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
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she said she was living bicuriously through me.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
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When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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