did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
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