I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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