I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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