i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
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We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
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