I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
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I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
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they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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