We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
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This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
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She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
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