I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I checked into jail on foursquare
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I want her autograph on my taint
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
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