I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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