she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
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I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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