i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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