Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize