Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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