You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
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Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
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What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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