Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
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Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
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You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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