Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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