Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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