I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
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I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
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But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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