Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
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