Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
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