I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
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