he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
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He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
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She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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