so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
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I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
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I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
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